Man, I saw Virat Kohli’s iconic hairstyle everywhere lately and got obsessed. Thought I could totally pull it off myself without dropping cash at a salon. Spoiler: it was chaos. Here’s exactly how it went down.
The Hair Ambush Plan
I dug up a million reference pics first. Virat’s style looks like a messy textured crop? Some volume on top but super tight back and sides? Noted. Grabbed my tools like this was a covert operation:
- My rusty Walmart clippers with five guard sizes
- Kitchen scissors (don’t judge—my proper ones vanished)
- Cheap matte clay from the drugstore
- A wobbly handheld mirror for the “back view” nightmare
Operation: Butchering the Back & Sides
Started with the sides using a #3 guard. Pushed it upward toward the crown, not sideways—big mistake sideways last time. Felt like a pro… until the clippers jammed mid-pass. Left a patchy stripe right above my ear. Panicked! Dropped to a #2 to “blend” it. Ended up buzzing half my right side shorter than the left.
Switched to the back. Held the handheld mirror against the bathroom wall. Fumbled both mirrors like a juggler. Tried holding one with my chin—dropped it. Finally wedged it between shampoo bottles. Did short, awkward swipes while craning my neck. Felt ridges everywhere but pretended not to notice.
Top Chop Disaster
Sectioned the top hair like I saw in tutorials. Snip-snip with kitchen scissors. Too blunt. Tried “point cutting” like YouTube said. Looked like I fought a lawnmower. Sections went wildly uneven—left side was chin-length, right was eyebrow-level. “Texture” turned into “bald patches.”
Desperate Damage Control
Raked through the clay hoping for magic. Heavy hand—looked greasy, not textured. Ruffled it aggressively. Added volume? Nah, just weird spikes. Tried sweeping it sideways like Virat… flopped flat after two minutes.
The “fade”? Hah! One side abruptly ended in a cliff. Found four patches I’d missed buzzing. Clay couldn’t hide the disaster. Stared at the mirror. Silence. Heard my neighbor’s lawnmower running outside—felt mocked.
End Game
Results: Half cricket-star fantasy, half toddler’s craft project. Went out wearing a hat for two weeks. Lesson? If you attempt this, have backup hats. Or just visit a barber.
